Acceptance of Original Dreck
…with thanks to Susan Brearley and Gutbloom
Dear Writer M. Holden,
We are in receipt
of your query letter
and even though
you were not supposed
to send the first two
chapters of your breakout novel,
we read them anyway.
(It was a slow day at the agency
and we were so tired of
watching current events on
YouTube.)
Your manuscript’s
layover
happy hour
amuse bouche
party favor
side glance
drop-by shooting
lacks the essential
je ne sais quoi
we require here.
(And you’ve employed
so very many adverbs!)
We made guesses
as to your college major
and decided the B.A. you earned
must have been in
Fermentation Studies.
(Our receptionist
guesstimated your minor
was Puppetry.)
Therefore, this is to advise
that your work of
literary fiction has been
accepted by our agency.
We
believe
we
can
sell
it
to
a
publisher.
Do
you?
Sincerely,
Your Zuzz
